Q: What's better than roses on a piano?
A: Tulips on an organ.
Football: Elephants v Ants
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of football.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.
The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.
The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.
The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.
The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."
Chicken Little
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, "...and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
She read, "...and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
Female Dormitory will be Out-of-bounds
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"