An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says, "I want two more of these."
A Lady Goes Into a Bar With Her Goose
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''
Why Do Doctors Slap Babies Butts
Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Holy Water
One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
Every Job Is Important
The teacher in Johnny´s school asked the class what their parents did for a living.
One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was Little Johnny´s turn, he stood up and said "My mom´s a whore."
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal´s office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.
So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in
class?"
Johnny said, "Yes."
"Well, what did the principal say?"
"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number..."
One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was Little Johnny´s turn, he stood up and said "My mom´s a whore."
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal´s office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.
So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in
class?"
Johnny said, "Yes."
"Well, what did the principal say?"
"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number..."
A Dying Man Says To His Wife
A dying man said to his wife: Dear, our fourth son always looked different from the other three. Did he have a different father? Please tell me, I'm on my death bed and would just like to know the truth.
Wife: Yes.
Man: Who's the father?
Wife: You.
Wife: Yes.
Man: Who's the father?
Wife: You.
Two Homosexuals Go To The Carnival
Two Homosexuals decide to go to the carnival. One says to the other "Fancy coming for a ride on the chair-o-plane?"
"No", says the other, "I've had enough."
So the first man gets on the ride and starts to go around and around and around (you get the idea) and then a terrible accident happens. The ride spins out of control and the guy is thrown off the ride and lands in the next field. His friend quickly rushes over and asks, "Are you hurt?"
The injured man says, "Hurt, of course I'm bloody hurt. I went around on that thing a dozen times and you didn't wave once."
"No", says the other, "I've had enough."
So the first man gets on the ride and starts to go around and around and around (you get the idea) and then a terrible accident happens. The ride spins out of control and the guy is thrown off the ride and lands in the next field. His friend quickly rushes over and asks, "Are you hurt?"
The injured man says, "Hurt, of course I'm bloody hurt. I went around on that thing a dozen times and you didn't wave once."