Funny translator jokes - International Translation Day

How many translators does it take to change a light bulb? It depends on the context. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. A teacher asked a particularly dull, lazy, and objectionable pupil if he was ignorant or apathetic. The pupil replied: “I don't know, and I don't care!” Two translators on a ship are talking. “Can you swim?”, asks one. “No”, says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages”. A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English”, he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative”. A voice from the back of the room retorted, “Yeah, right”. Translator gets 400 words to translate. Client: How long will it take? Translator: About a week. Client: A whole week for just 400 words? God created the world in 6 days. Translator: Then just take a look at this world, and afterwards, take a look at my translation. “I've just had the most awful time”, said a boy to his friends. “First, I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy”.“Wow! How did you pull through?”, sympathised his friends.“I don't know”, the boy replied, “toughest spelling test I ever had”. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus! Geography teacher: Can you guess my favourite nation? Student: Yes, I can. Explanation. What is the longest word in the English language? “Smiles”, because there is a mile between its first and last letters.

Translators - International Translation Day

30 September - International Translation Day

An American in Ireland goes to a local pub...

An American in Ireland goes to a local pub. After having a pint, he decides to have a little fun. “I'll pay 500 dollars to whomever drinks 10 pints of Guinness in 5 minutes”, he says. Nobody takes him up on his offer but one guy quickly runs out of the pub. 5 minutes later he comes back, says “I'll do it”, and then proceeds downing 10 pints in 5 minutes. Impressed, the American pays him the money, and asks “Where did you go right after I made the offer?” The guy says: “Oh, I just ran to the pub next door to see if I could actually do it.”



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Unclear Question

My house had been burglarized and the police were taking a report.
The policeman asked me, "Have you lived here all your life?"
I replied, "Hopefully, not yet!"



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My Old Kentucky Home

An older man at the evening function bowed his head and wept quietly but copiously while while a young woman rendered the plaintive ballad, "My Old Kentucky Home."
The hostess tiptoed up to him and inquired tenderly, "Pardon me, are you a Kentuckian?"
"Nay, madam," the tearful one replied, "I'm a musician."



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Here is a joke that my 8 year old twins found very funny...

Here is a joke that my 8 year old twins found very funny when I told them: A man enters a craft chocolates shop and asks if they could make a chocolate model car for him. “Sure, no problem” “And can it look like the VW Beetle that my dad had?” “Nice idea, no problem at all.” “And can you make it so that the chocolate doors open and you can see the interior detailed in chocolate, like with a plastic model car? Same with the bonnet and trunk?” “that will require some planning, but I think i can manage.” “And i would like the wheels to roll, and if i turn the steering wheel then the wheels should turn as well?” “Mmmh that is fiendishly difficult in chocolate, I will need to carefully plan and experiment…” “And finally, can you make it so that the chocolate windows can move up and down when you turn the handles?” “Man this is insanely difficult. But give me 3 weeks and i'll try my best.” Three weeks later the man returns and indeed there is a lovely chocolate VW Beetle model on display. The chocolatier proudly shows it in all its glorious details: interior, wheels, steering wheel, windows, everything works perfect, and after the demo he asks, “shall I put it in a nice gift box?” “No need, I will just eat it here.”



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A man is at the airport counter checking in his luggage...

A man is at the airport counter checking in his luggage. The man said to the agent, "I'm flying to Los Angeles but I would like this bag to go to Portland, this one to Albuquerque, and this one to Sioux Falls." The agent looked suitably shocked and said, "Sir, there is no way we can do that." "Why not?", replied the man, "You did it last time".



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A Vegan and A Programmer

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?
One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.



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Rub It In

I've been prescribed anti-gloating cream...
I can't wait to rub it in!



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Going to Market

Two elderly gentlemen in their mid-80s meet in the lobby of their apartment building. Both being hard of hearing, one asked the other in a louder voice, "Are you going to the market?"
The other one replies, "No, no. I am going to the market."
The first gentleman says, "Oh, I thought you were going to the market."



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Educated Owl

What does an educated owl say?
Whom... Whom...



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Quick Friday laugh - two short IT jokes

Me: You know, since it doesn't have a tail, I'm pretty sure it is actually a hamster.
Tech support: Okay sir. Please right-click your hamster... It was sad to read that the guy who invented the computer mouse died.
Police suspect witchcraft as everyone they have spoken to have placed the cursor on him.