Cheese You Say?

Know when you have a problem?
When you stand in your living room to take a picture, and after you say "Cheese", a rat jumps out and says, "Where?"



#joke

Stolen Glasses

To the person who stole my glasses...
I will find you, I have contacts!




#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

How Much Do You Love Me?

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it's morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."



#joke

Salad for Dinner

I came home from work this evening and said to my wife, "Are we having salad for dinner?"
"Yes we are, how did you know?" she asked.
I replied, "Because I can't hear the smoke alarm."



#joke

Wonder Woman and Spider-Man

What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
Amazon Web Services.



#joke

Wonder Woman and Spider-Man

What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
Amazon Web Services.



#joke

Wonder Woman and Spider-Man

What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
Amazon Web Services.



#joke

Young Deer

A young deer in the woods learned to use all four hooves equally well...
He was known to be bambidextrous.



#joke

Young Deer

A young deer in the woods learned to use all four hooves equally well...
He was known to be bambidextrous.



#joke

And Scene

"Are you an actress, auntie?"
"No darling, why do you ask?"
"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."



#joke

And Scene

"Are you an actress, auntie?"
"No darling, why do you ask?"
"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."



#joke

Triple the Laugh

Saw the cutest TRIPLETS in the mall last week. Each had a personalized shirt.
1st shirt said: I WAS PLANNED.
2nd one said: I WAS NOT.
3rd said: ME NEITHER!



#joke

When You See A Spaceman

What do you do when you see a SPACEMAN?
You park your car in it!



#joke

When You See A Spaceman

What do you do when you see a SPACEMAN?
You park your car in it!



#joke

Hope It's A Boy

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Doctor, what's going on?" asked the concerned father-to-be.
"Don't worry," said the doctor, "those are just contractions."



#joke