Man Joke

What is the difference between men and government bonds?

The bonds mature.

Man Joke

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

1) No mind.
2) No business.

Flu Joke

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Joke

Teacher: "What is further away, Australia or the Moon?"

Little Johnny: "Australia, you can see the Moon at night!"

Sex Joke

Two Greeks chat.

Costa: "Did you ever fuck your girlfriend in the other hole?"

Spiros: "You are fuckin mad. I don’t want to make her pregnant!"

Violist Joke

How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?

Mark it "solo".

Woman Joke

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive naked ... with beer.

Horse Joke

Yo momma is so fat, the horse on her polo shirt is real.

Man Joke

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

Woman: "Unfertilized."

Blonde Joke

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

Yo momma Joke

Yo momma is so ugly, even the tide won't come back in.

Reporter Joke

The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )"

Soldier Joke

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

Cop Joke

What not to say to the nice policeman:

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Sex Joke

Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?

She wants to be the first lady.