The Heartfelt Greeting Card

Woman: "Do you have a greeting card which reads 'You are my first and last love'?"
Store keeper: "Yes ma'am, we do."
Woman: "Perfect! Give me 10 such cards!"



#joke

A Man with Glasses

Never hit a man with glasses...
Use your fists instead.



#joke

Dead End Street

I live on a dead end street.
It is electrically deficient.
There are no outlets!



#joke

Wife Is Being Unfaithful

How can you tell if your wife is being unfaithful?
You move from Chicago to Seattle and you still have the same mailman.



#joke

Do I Look

A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband.
"Do I look fat in this dress?" the wife asks.
"Do I look dumb in this shirt?" the husband replies.



#joke

Do I Look

A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband.
"Do I look fat in this dress?" the wife asks.
"Do I look dumb in this shirt?" the husband replies.



#joke

A Redneck bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar...

A Redneck bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Redneck baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard.
A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing Redneck baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"
The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."



#joke

Morning Run

I went out for a run this morning, but I came back after a couple of minutes because I forgot something.
I forgot that I can't run for more than a couple of minutes.



#joke

Gym Problems

Why did the piece of cheese go to the gym?
To get shredded!



#joke

Looking For A New Accountant

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, “Didn't your company just hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”

The businessman replies, “That's the accountant we're looking for.”



#joke

Many Uses for A Brush

Husband: "My shaving brush is very stiff now. I wonder what is wrong with it?"
Wife: "I don't know. It was nice and soft when I painted the bird cage yesterday."



#joke

A man is transporting a coffin when his car breaks down...

A man is transporting a coffin when his car breaks down. He pulls over and after messing about with the engine trying to fix it, covering himself in oils and grime, he calls for a mechanic, they tell him they can come in just under an hour to asses the situation. Dismayed, he also calls his boss to let him know what has happened. His boss informs him that the destination of delivery is simply up the road and asks him to carry the coffin the rest of the way. Upset but recognising the fact that he has nothing better to do, he picks up the coffin and starts dragging it with him up the road. A police officer sees this and approaches him, asking "what are you doing with that coffin? Where are you going?". Already upset with the situation, the man responds, "I didn't like where they buried me, so I'm moving!"



#joke

Do You Play Hockey or Soccer?

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient's shins were covered with dark bruises.
“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?”
“Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”



#joke

Rope Game

Why did the ballplayer bring a rope to the game?
He wanted to tie the score.



#joke

Debt Free

I am overjoyed! Soon I will be able to payoff all my loans and at last be debt free.
I'm on my way to the bank, thrilled to know that in a very short while I will finally have all the money I need to begin enjoying life for once.
I am so excited I can hardly get my ski mask on!"



#joke


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