Dolphins are so intelligent...
That within a few weeks of captivity, they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw to them fish three times a day.
#joke
Sometimes...
Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears .
Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your pain.
Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile.
But fart just one time...
#joke
Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your pain.
Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile.
But fart just one time...
#joke
What's the Fly Doing?
Customer: "Waiter, waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
The waiter leans forward to get a better look.
Waiter: “Looks like the backstroke, sir.â€
#joke
The waiter leans forward to get a better look.
Waiter: “Looks like the backstroke, sir.â€
#joke
A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner...
A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner. “Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,†she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.†“Maybe next year,†says the man. “Work's really busy this week.†The next night at dinner, the man can barely sit down before his wife starts talking excitedly. “The neighbors went to the show today and said the tightrope walkers were doing the Hokey Pokey right up there on the wire! Can you even imagine?†“I'd love to take you,†said the man. “But the boss'll be mad if I don't get this project finished.†The following night the wife gushed about how the paperboy told her about how a dozen clowns had popped out of this tiny car and did the can-can in bloomers and it was about the funniest thing he ever saw. The man was starting to feel a little bad that he couldn't take her, but work was work. The night after, the wife was downcast. “My book club said last night the lion tamer and the girl who rides the elephants did a waltz and it was just perfectly romantic,†she said. “It feels like we're the only people in town who haven't seen the show yet and they only have one more tomorrow! Oh please can't we go?†The man thinks it over and decides that this might be the only opportunity for them to see such a thing, and maybe work can wait. He calls his friend to ask him to cover for him at work the next day, and the man and his wife go to bed excited about seeing the show. The next day at work the boss notices the man is out and inquires about it with the friend. “Oh,†says the friend. “He can't come in today due to four unseen circus dances.â€
#joke
#joke
How to Hug
I went to the library the other day and found a book titled "How to Hug".
Wanting to learn the secrets of intimacy I quickly grabbed the book and headed to the checkout counter.
The librarian was polite but said I couldn't check out the book because it was the seventh volume of Encyclopedia Britannica.
#joke
Read more on page
Wanting to learn the secrets of intimacy I quickly grabbed the book and headed to the checkout counter.
The librarian was polite but said I couldn't check out the book because it was the seventh volume of Encyclopedia Britannica.
#joke
Read more on page
How to Hug
I went to the library the other day and found a book titled "How to Hug".
Wanting to learn the secrets of intimacy I quickly grabbed the book and headed to the checkout counter.
The librarian was polite but said I couldn't check out the book because it was the seventh volume of Encyclopedia Britannica.
#joke
Read more on page
Wanting to learn the secrets of intimacy I quickly grabbed the book and headed to the checkout counter.
The librarian was polite but said I couldn't check out the book because it was the seventh volume of Encyclopedia Britannica.
#joke
Read more on page
Do I?
Husband: "Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you a question?"
Wife: "Is that what I do?"
#joke
Wife: "Is that what I do?"
#joke
Bible Jokes - Two for One
Did you know that camel cigarettes are mentioned in the Bible?
Genesis 24:64 (KJV)
And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
â€"â€"â€"
Honda cars are also in the Bible! They're so quiet, they're good for praying in.
Acts 1:14 (KJV)
These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.
#joke
Genesis 24:64 (KJV)
And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
â€"â€"â€"
Honda cars are also in the Bible! They're so quiet, they're good for praying in.
Acts 1:14 (KJV)
These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.
#joke
We Don't Need No Stinkin' Dimensions
First Assistant: "So what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that everything fits?"
Person who invented the first public bathroom stall: "Ah, don't worry about that. Can't stress enough how unimportant that part is."
#joke
Person who invented the first public bathroom stall: "Ah, don't worry about that. Can't stress enough how unimportant that part is."
#joke
Green Grape Says
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"
#joke
"BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"
#joke
A One Exhibit Zoo
I went to the zoo.
There was only ONE exhibit in the entire zoo.
It was a Shih Tzu.
#joke
There was only ONE exhibit in the entire zoo.
It was a Shih Tzu.
#joke
Doing Nothing
Wife: Whatcha doing?
Me: Nothing.
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: I wasn't finished.
#joke
Me: Nothing.
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: I wasn't finished.
#joke
Being In Prison
What's the difference between being in prison and being a corporate employee?
In prison you get free health care.
#joke
In prison you get free health care.
#joke
The Heartfelt Greeting Card
Woman: "Do you have a greeting card which reads 'You are my first and last love'?"
Store keeper: "Yes ma'am, we do."
Woman: "Perfect! Give me 10 such cards!"
#joke
Store keeper: "Yes ma'am, we do."
Woman: "Perfect! Give me 10 such cards!"
#joke