Teacher Joke

Little Monster: "I hate my teacher."

Mother Monster: "Well, then just eat your salad, dear!"

Sex Joke

What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?

When Hillary is out of town.

Man Joke

Why do so many women fake orgasm?

Because so many men fake foreplay.

Joke

My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting.

She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.

Light bulb Joke

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously order an American light bulb.

Woman Joke

How long is the average woman in labor?

Whatever she says divided by two.

Peace Joke

Killing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

Blonde Joke

What does a blonde do with her asshole in the morning?

Pack his lunch and send him to work.

Joke

What do you do if you miss your mother-in-law?

Reload and try again!

Handcuff Joke

Police Quote: "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them a while."

Light bulb Joke

How many college students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Will this be on the test?

Joke

What animal is best at math?

Rabbits, they multiply fastest!

Philosophy Joke

Final philosophy exam:

Is this a question?
If this is an answer!

Woman Joke

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time.

Pimp Joke

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.