I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me...
I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities My son asked if I was named after my dad.
I said, "of course I was, he was born many years before me." When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit covered in bee stings and smelling like honey...
You know she's a keeper. People always ask where is Bigfoot? But never ask How is Bigfoot?
Yeti never complains A friend told me he doesn't let his kids watch orchestra performances
cuz there's too much sax and violins. My friend asked me if I had ever tried blindfolded archery. I replied that I hadn't.
He said, "It's great. You don't know what you're missing!
5 short jokes to prepare for Friday
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 8lbs 4oz Exactly four weeks ago, I entered into an intensive program to cut down my excessive body fat.
Remarkably, I've now reached my goal of losing 50% of my weight,
and they're transferring me to a new facility!
It's a half weigh house. How do you milk sheep?
With iPhone accessories. Bros don't let other bros walk around with an open fly.
It's called the zip code. If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U r a bus
It's a girl and weighs 8lbs 4oz Exactly four weeks ago, I entered into an intensive program to cut down my excessive body fat.
Remarkably, I've now reached my goal of losing 50% of my weight,
and they're transferring me to a new facility!
It's a half weigh house. How do you milk sheep?
With iPhone accessories. Bros don't let other bros walk around with an open fly.
It's called the zip code. If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U r a bus
Plane lost both engines
A plane is flying over the Mediterranean.
A pilots voice comes on And says a terrible thing has happened.
We've lost both engines and we're gonna have to land in the Mediterranean.
The plane will stay afloat for a very short time.
And we'll be able to open the door just long enough that everyone can get out.
We have to do this in an orderly fashion.
Everyone that can swim just go to the right wing and stand there.
Everyone who can't swim just go to the left wing and just stand there.
Those of you on the right wing you'll find a little island it's in the direction of the Sun about two miles off, and as the plane goes under just swim in an orderly fashion out and you'll be fine.
And for those of you on the left wing…
I want to thank you for flying Air Italia.
A pilots voice comes on And says a terrible thing has happened.
We've lost both engines and we're gonna have to land in the Mediterranean.
The plane will stay afloat for a very short time.
And we'll be able to open the door just long enough that everyone can get out.
We have to do this in an orderly fashion.
Everyone that can swim just go to the right wing and stand there.
Everyone who can't swim just go to the left wing and just stand there.
Those of you on the right wing you'll find a little island it's in the direction of the Sun about two miles off, and as the plane goes under just swim in an orderly fashion out and you'll be fine.
And for those of you on the left wing…
I want to thank you for flying Air Italia.
Have some fun with 'addicted' jokes
I'm addicted to seaweed.
I must seek kelp. My friend is addicted to drinking ink.
It's a dyer situation. I've been reading a book on anti-gravity, and now I'm addicted.
I can't put it down! I used to be addicted to eating soap.
But I'm clean now. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese,
although it's only mild. Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!..
He kept nudging me. A bunch of batteries were gathering around in a circle.
I guess they were having an AA-meeting. They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.
My money's on Dave. I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road. m embarrassed to say I got addicted to shoplifting but only from the bottom shelves in the supermarket.
How could I stoop so low? I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years.
I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously. Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets and the mats.
Police think it was the work of rug addicts.
I must seek kelp. My friend is addicted to drinking ink.
It's a dyer situation. I've been reading a book on anti-gravity, and now I'm addicted.
I can't put it down! I used to be addicted to eating soap.
But I'm clean now. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese,
although it's only mild. Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!..
He kept nudging me. A bunch of batteries were gathering around in a circle.
I guess they were having an AA-meeting. They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.
My money's on Dave. I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road. m embarrassed to say I got addicted to shoplifting but only from the bottom shelves in the supermarket.
How could I stoop so low? I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years.
I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously. Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets and the mats.
Police think it was the work of rug addicts.
8 short jokes for good start of the week
We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the ...
Minneapolis? I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers ...
The Times are rough Sink or swim?
Sod it, I'm going in the pool. The dishes can wait! My friend asked me to name two things that hold water.
"Well, Dam." I think it is a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit
But that's just my two scents So this kid comes home from school in panic and says Dad, they are all picking on me…are we pyromaniacs?
The dad looks down sadly and says. We arson. 4 asked 5 out but got rejected ...
Cause it was 2 squared. My wife told me to stop counting.
But I didn't one two.
Minneapolis? I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers ...
The Times are rough Sink or swim?
Sod it, I'm going in the pool. The dishes can wait! My friend asked me to name two things that hold water.
"Well, Dam." I think it is a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit
But that's just my two scents So this kid comes home from school in panic and says Dad, they are all picking on me…are we pyromaniacs?
The dad looks down sadly and says. We arson. 4 asked 5 out but got rejected ...
Cause it was 2 squared. My wife told me to stop counting.
But I didn't one two.
Politician's Sandwich
On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.
He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.
He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.
5 short jokes for great Friday
I hired a lawyer to sue the airlines for mishandling my luggage.
He lost the case. Vegetarians think eating animals is immoral
But eating mushrooms is morel How do you make an eggroll?
You push it! What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day How do eggs run so fast?
They're afraid of being beaten
He lost the case. Vegetarians think eating animals is immoral
But eating mushrooms is morel How do you make an eggroll?
You push it! What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day How do eggs run so fast?
They're afraid of being beaten
5 short jokes for great Friday
I hired a lawyer to sue the airlines for mishandling my luggage.
He lost the case. Vegetarians think eating animals is immoral
But eating mushrooms is morel How do you make an eggroll?
You push it! What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day How do eggs run so fast?
They're afraid of being beaten
He lost the case. Vegetarians think eating animals is immoral
But eating mushrooms is morel How do you make an eggroll?
You push it! What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day How do eggs run so fast?
They're afraid of being beaten
Chihuahua at the vets
A man brings his Chihuahua to the vet.
They're immediately taken to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in sniffs the Chihuahua, and leaves.
Then a cat comes in, stares at the dog, and leaves.
Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine, and hands the man a $250 bill.
"This must be a mistake," the man says.
"I've only been here 20 minutes!"
"No mistake," the doctor says.
"It's $100 for the Lab test,
$100 for the cat scan,
and $50 for the medicine."
They're immediately taken to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in sniffs the Chihuahua, and leaves.
Then a cat comes in, stares at the dog, and leaves.
Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine, and hands the man a $250 bill.
"This must be a mistake," the man says.
"I've only been here 20 minutes!"
"No mistake," the doctor says.
"It's $100 for the Lab test,
$100 for the cat scan,
and $50 for the medicine."
5 great jokes in the middle of the week
Why is giving birth called delivery
…instead of take-out? A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?" My cellphone accidentally took a 10 minute video of my shoes yesterday.
It was some pretty good footage. I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it. I asked my wife why she chose to marry me.
She said , "Because you are funny"
I said , "I thought it was because I was skilled in the bed"
To which she responded, "See? You're hilarious!"
…instead of take-out? A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?" My cellphone accidentally took a 10 minute video of my shoes yesterday.
It was some pretty good footage. I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it. I asked my wife why she chose to marry me.
She said , "Because you are funny"
I said , "I thought it was because I was skilled in the bed"
To which she responded, "See? You're hilarious!"
7 short jokes to make Friday even better
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
7 short jokes to make Friday even better
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
7 short jokes to make Friday even better
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
7 short jokes to make Friday even better
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
7 short jokes to make Friday even better
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
"You know, one would have been enough." Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so I'm off to find a bar with a mirror! Why do most people write with their right hand?
Because they don't want to write with the wrong hand. Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reese, with her spoon I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.
I am peachless! To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now!
20 math jokes to make you laugh
I poured my root beer into a square glass...
Now I have a beerWhy was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine! What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros! Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees! How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor. What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision. Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler. Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless. Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt! Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8! How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s! Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent. Do you know what's odd?
Every other number! Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula. Which king loved fractions?
Henry the â…›. Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably. What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!
Now I have a beerWhy was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine! What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros! Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees! How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor. What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision. Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler. Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless. Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt! Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8! How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s! Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent. Do you know what's odd?
Every other number! Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula. Which king loved fractions?
Henry the â…›. Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably. What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!
20 math jokes to make you laugh
I poured my root beer into a square glass...
Now I have a beerWhy was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine! What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros! Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees! How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor. What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision. Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler. Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless. Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt! Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8! How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s! Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent. Do you know what's odd?
Every other number! Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula. Which king loved fractions?
Henry the â…›. Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably. What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!
Now I have a beerWhy was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine! What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros! Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees! How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor. What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision. Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler. Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless. Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt! Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8! How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s! Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent. Do you know what's odd?
Every other number! Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula. Which king loved fractions?
Henry the â…›. Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably. What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!
Crime during Oktoberfest
I committed a crime during Oktoberfest, and my friend ratted on me to the cops. Man, what a schnitz.
Painting lines
A guy is hired to paint lines on a little country road, so the boss gives him a big can of paint, a brush and sends him out... At the end of the day, when he comes to get paid, he tells the boss he got two miles done. The boss is pretty impressed. At the end of the second day, the painter reports that he did half a mile. The boss is a little surprised at the drop, but thinks maybe the first-day enthusiasm just wore off. At the end of the third day, the painter reports that he did 400 yards. The boss says, "That's quite a difference from the first day." The painter replies, "Yeah, well it's a lot longer walk back to the paint can now."
Camping in the woods
I went camping in the woods, but my tent smelled like feet. It was a big musky toe problem.
Camping in the woods
I went camping in the woods, but my tent smelled like feet. It was a big musky toe problem.
Camping in the woods
I went camping in the woods, but my tent smelled like feet. It was a big musky toe problem.
8 short dad jokes to make you laugh
mom:Do you think we're made of money?
daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for? I wanted to get rid of my old knackered flat screen tv that doesn't work anymore.
The council said they would charge me £27.00 to collect it and dispose of it.
Instead, I paid £7.50 and booked an online courier to collect it and deliver to somebody I don't like! In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery. It was a very moving ceremony.
Even the cake is in tiers. So, today, I told my team about the importance of dried grapes.
It's all about raisin awareness. Yeah. I was in a Zoom meeting when I told that joke and they didn't laugh either.
It turns out I'm not even remotely funny. My mum told me that I can't drive a car made of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta. Why are Catholics so upbeat after church gatherings?
Because they convert Mass into energy.
daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for? I wanted to get rid of my old knackered flat screen tv that doesn't work anymore.
The council said they would charge me £27.00 to collect it and dispose of it.
Instead, I paid £7.50 and booked an online courier to collect it and deliver to somebody I don't like! In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery. It was a very moving ceremony.
Even the cake is in tiers. So, today, I told my team about the importance of dried grapes.
It's all about raisin awareness. Yeah. I was in a Zoom meeting when I told that joke and they didn't laugh either.
It turns out I'm not even remotely funny. My mum told me that I can't drive a car made of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta. Why are Catholics so upbeat after church gatherings?
Because they convert Mass into energy.
8 short dad jokes to make you laugh
mom:Do you think we're made of money?
daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for? I wanted to get rid of my old knackered flat screen tv that doesn't work anymore.
The council said they would charge me £27.00 to collect it and dispose of it.
Instead, I paid £7.50 and booked an online courier to collect it and deliver to somebody I don't like! In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery. It was a very moving ceremony.
Even the cake is in tiers. So, today, I told my team about the importance of dried grapes.
It's all about raisin awareness. Yeah. I was in a Zoom meeting when I told that joke and they didn't laugh either.
It turns out I'm not even remotely funny. My mum told me that I can't drive a car made of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta. Why are Catholics so upbeat after church gatherings?
Because they convert Mass into energy.
daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for? I wanted to get rid of my old knackered flat screen tv that doesn't work anymore.
The council said they would charge me £27.00 to collect it and dispose of it.
Instead, I paid £7.50 and booked an online courier to collect it and deliver to somebody I don't like! In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery. It was a very moving ceremony.
Even the cake is in tiers. So, today, I told my team about the importance of dried grapes.
It's all about raisin awareness. Yeah. I was in a Zoom meeting when I told that joke and they didn't laugh either.
It turns out I'm not even remotely funny. My mum told me that I can't drive a car made of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta. Why are Catholics so upbeat after church gatherings?
Because they convert Mass into energy.
Girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and 2 more short new jokes
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me
I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. My wife asked me why I wanted to be cremated.
I told her it's ...
it is my last hope for a smoking hot body I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just won't listen.
I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. My wife asked me why I wanted to be cremated.
I told her it's ...
it is my last hope for a smoking hot body I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just won't listen.
17 Labor Day Jokes to enjoy Monday Off
Labor Day always falls on the first Monday in September, have some jokes during 3 day weekend Is Aunty Diane having her baby today?
Why did you think she is about to give birth?
Because you said today was Labor Day! When is Labor Day?
About 9 months after Father's Day. Do you know, most people don't have to work today, because it's Labor Day.
If people are not working, shouldn't we call today "No-Labor Day?" What do you call a hobbit throwing a Labor Day party?
It's just a little get-together. Why do the employees get sick on Labor Day Weekend?
Weakened immune system. Happy Labor Day!
Oh wait… we live on a farm. Never mind! I told my coworker I was going skydiving labor day weekend and he asked how many feet I was diving from.
I looked down at my feet, "Just these two". Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open on Labor Day?
They are key workers. Why are zombies free labor?
They don't need a living wage. What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips. Why did ancient Egyptians have a hard time recruiting laborers?
It was a pyramid scheme. What do you call a sick co-worker?
Staff infection. What do you call a snake that works for the Government?
A Civil Serpent. How did a calendar factory worker get fired?
He took a day off on Labor Day. Why do managers never go bowling with their employees?
Because they are afraid of them striking. What is the day when most Babies are born?
Well, it's Labor Day. Most people enjoy a day off on Labor Day except for fire…
Fire works on the Labor Day.
Why did you think she is about to give birth?
Because you said today was Labor Day! When is Labor Day?
About 9 months after Father's Day. Do you know, most people don't have to work today, because it's Labor Day.
If people are not working, shouldn't we call today "No-Labor Day?" What do you call a hobbit throwing a Labor Day party?
It's just a little get-together. Why do the employees get sick on Labor Day Weekend?
Weakened immune system. Happy Labor Day!
Oh wait… we live on a farm. Never mind! I told my coworker I was going skydiving labor day weekend and he asked how many feet I was diving from.
I looked down at my feet, "Just these two". Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open on Labor Day?
They are key workers. Why are zombies free labor?
They don't need a living wage. What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips. Why did ancient Egyptians have a hard time recruiting laborers?
It was a pyramid scheme. What do you call a sick co-worker?
Staff infection. What do you call a snake that works for the Government?
A Civil Serpent. How did a calendar factory worker get fired?
He took a day off on Labor Day. Why do managers never go bowling with their employees?
Because they are afraid of them striking. What is the day when most Babies are born?
Well, it's Labor Day. Most people enjoy a day off on Labor Day except for fire…
Fire works on the Labor Day.
30 Bacon jokes to celebrate International Bacon Day
The first Saturday in September is International Bacon Day and a day to enjoy all things bacon, including bacon jokes! What is a pig's favorite song?
"Don't Go Bacon My Heart." What's a bacon lover's favorite musical?
"Grease." What's a bacon lover's favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine." What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork. Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon. Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk! What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz. Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine. What's a bacon enthusiast's favorite play?
"Hamlet." What's the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I've got bacon." What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine! Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet. What's the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up! How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.' What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig. What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs. How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom. How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one's looking! What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket! Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon. With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary. Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon. What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink. Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog. What's the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks. What's the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck. What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon. Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon. What did the pig say at the beach?
"It's so hot, I'm bacon!"
"Don't Go Bacon My Heart." What's a bacon lover's favorite musical?
"Grease." What's a bacon lover's favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine." What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork. Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon. Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk! What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz. Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine. What's a bacon enthusiast's favorite play?
"Hamlet." What's the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I've got bacon." What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine! Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet. What's the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up! How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.' What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig. What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs. How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom. How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one's looking! What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket! Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon. With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary. Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon. What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink. Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog. What's the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks. What's the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck. What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon. Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon. What did the pig say at the beach?
"It's so hot, I'm bacon!"
30 Bacon jokes to celebrate International Bacon Day
The first Saturday in September is International Bacon Day and a day to enjoy all things bacon, including bacon jokes! What is a pig's favorite song?
"Don't Go Bacon My Heart." What's a bacon lover's favorite musical?
"Grease." What's a bacon lover's favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine." What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork. Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon. Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk! What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz. Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine. What's a bacon enthusiast's favorite play?
"Hamlet." What's the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I've got bacon." What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine! Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet. What's the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up! How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.' What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig. What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs. How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom. How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one's looking! What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket! Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon. With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary. Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon. What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink. Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog. What's the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks. What's the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck. What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon. Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon. What did the pig say at the beach?
"It's so hot, I'm bacon!"
"Don't Go Bacon My Heart." What's a bacon lover's favorite musical?
"Grease." What's a bacon lover's favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine." What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork. Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon. Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk! What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz. Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine. What's a bacon enthusiast's favorite play?
"Hamlet." What's the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I've got bacon." What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine! Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet. What's the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up! How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.' What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig. What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs. How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom. How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one's looking! What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket! Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon. With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary. Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon. What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink. Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog. What's the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks. What's the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck. What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon. Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon. What did the pig say at the beach?
"It's so hot, I'm bacon!"
30 Bacon jokes to celebrate International Bacon Day
The first Saturday in September is International Bacon Day and a day to enjoy all things bacon, including bacon jokes! What is a pig's favorite song?
"Don't Go Bacon My Heart." What's a bacon lover's favorite musical?
"Grease." What's a bacon lover's favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine." What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork. Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon. Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk! What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz. Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine. What's a bacon enthusiast's favorite play?
"Hamlet." What's the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I've got bacon." What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine! Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet. What's the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up! How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.' What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig. What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs. How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom. How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one's looking! What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket! Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon. With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary. Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon. What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink. Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog. What's the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks. What's the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck. What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon. Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon. What did the pig say at the beach?
"It's so hot, I'm bacon!"
"Don't Go Bacon My Heart." What's a bacon lover's favorite musical?
"Grease." What's a bacon lover's favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine." What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork. Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon. Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk! What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz. Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine. What's a bacon enthusiast's favorite play?
"Hamlet." What's the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I've got bacon." What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine! Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet. What's the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up! How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.' What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig. What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs. How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom. How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one's looking! What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket! Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon. With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary. Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon. What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink. Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog. What's the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks. What's the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck. What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon. Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon. What did the pig say at the beach?
"It's so hot, I'm bacon!"
Hot Robin, Hot Summer
It's been really hot this summer.
The other day I saw a robin pulling a worm out of the ground using potholders.
The other day I saw a robin pulling a worm out of the ground using potholders.