5 great jokes in the middle of the week

Why is giving birth called delivery
…instead of take-out? A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?" My cellphone accidentally took a 10 minute video of my shoes yesterday.
It was some pretty good footage. I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it. I asked my wife why she chose to marry me.
She said , "Because you are funny"
I said , "I thought it was because I was skilled in the bed"
To which she responded, "See? You're hilarious!"