After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains. A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You can't do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!" What has 2 buts and kills people?
An assassin Why did the vegan cross the road?
Ti tell someone they're a vegan! I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return! I made a pencil with an eraser on each end.
It was pointless. I was out drinking with my mates at a party last night, when I suddenly looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife.
Is she insecure or what?
That's an average of 6 calls a day! What do you call it when you get a rash from nickel?
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