7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It's like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It's driving me crazy! That's all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won't have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. What's your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day! Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it. I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish. Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It's like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It's driving me crazy! That's all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won't have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. What's your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day! Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it. I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish. Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It's like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It's driving me crazy! That's all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won't have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. What's your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day! Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it. I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish. Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It's like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It's driving me crazy! That's all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won't have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. What's your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day! Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it. I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish. Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It's like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It's driving me crazy! That's all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won't have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. What's your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day! Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it. I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish. Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It's like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It's driving me crazy! That's all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won't have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. What's your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day! Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it. I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish. Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It's like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It's driving me crazy! That's all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won't have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. What's your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day! Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it. I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish. Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

7 short jokes for a good Tuesday

I asked my friend when his birthday was, and he said, "March 1st".
So I walked around the room like a soldier and asked him again. I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
He said: "you're fired." My wife and I were walking through the park today and we passed a large groups of nuns.
I said wow what an opportunity for a joke, but I've got none. Daughter: "How do I look, Dad?"
Me: "With your eyes, sweetie." A dad went into his 13 yr old daughter's bedroom to find her smoking.
"How long have you been smoking?" he shouted.
"Since I lost my virginity," she replied.
"You lost your VIRGINITY?" he shrieked. "When the hell did this happen?"
The daughter replied, "No idea, I was drunk!" A sweet old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He eats a few and asks her why she isn't having any herself.
"Oh they're too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn't."
"Why did you buy them all then?" wonders the driver.
"You see, I just love the chocolate they're covered in!" "Come into the bedroom and I'll show you a good time," I said to the wife.
When she came up I showed her pictures of me and my mates before I met her!

7 short jokes for a good Tuesday

I asked my friend when his birthday was, and he said, "March 1st".
So I walked around the room like a soldier and asked him again. I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.
He said: "you're fired." My wife and I were walking through the park today and we passed a large groups of nuns.
I said wow what an opportunity for a joke, but I've got none. Daughter: "How do I look, Dad?"
Me: "With your eyes, sweetie." A dad went into his 13 yr old daughter's bedroom to find her smoking.
"How long have you been smoking?" he shouted.
"Since I lost my virginity," she replied.
"You lost your VIRGINITY?" he shrieked. "When the hell did this happen?"
The daughter replied, "No idea, I was drunk!" A sweet old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He eats a few and asks her why she isn't having any herself.
"Oh they're too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn't."
"Why did you buy them all then?" wonders the driver.
"You see, I just love the chocolate they're covered in!" "Come into the bedroom and I'll show you a good time," I said to the wife.
When she came up I showed her pictures of me and my mates before I met her!

His True Love

"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"
"Sir, I'm sorry, this is a brewery!"
"Oh, I know…"

True Love

Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"

True Love

Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"

True Love

Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"

True Love

Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"

True Love

Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"

Labor Distraction

When my wife was in labor, I would tell her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused.
It must have been the delivery.

Hospitalized Painter

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
His doctor says it was due to too many strokes.

Hospitalized Painter

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
His doctor says it was due to too many strokes.

Hospitalized Painter

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
His doctor says it was due to too many strokes.

Hospitalized Painter

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
His doctor says it was due to too many strokes.

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they're looking for ideas.”

Anniversary Gift

She: "Sweetheart, what's your gift for our 25th anniversary?" He: "A trip to Thailand." She: "That's amazing! And what about when we hit our 50th anniversary?" she asked. He: "That's when I come back to get you."